What is Emotional Intelligence?
At its core, being emotionally intelligent means being smart with feelings; both our own, and other people’s.
As much as we like to think we’re rational beings, the reality is humans are inherently emotional. Our emotions are the lens through which we perceive and interpret the world. We emotionally react to people, places and events instantly, and then recruit our rationality to justify our emotions afterwards.
We love Yale’s model of Emotional Intelligence, which uses the simple ‘RULER’ acronym to elaborate exactly what emotional intelligence means.
Recognise
How emotions feel inside us, and what they look like in other people. Am I raising my voice or clenching my fists when someone challenges my ideas? How do I know when my friend might be feeling a bit insecure today? What sort of behaviours might she exhibit?
Understand
The causes and consequences of emotions. Our emotions are like secret messages from ourselves to ourselves, and if we listen attentively, we can learn a lot from them. Why did I lash out so quickly when my sister snatched the peanut butter this morning? (Maybe I have a short temper when I don’t get enough sleep?)
Label
If we can name it, we can tame it. Being able to identify what emotions we’re feeling is the first step to taking control of them, rather than letting them control us. If we can recognise Mum’s constant nagging to clean my room makes me feel controlled, pressured and resentful, when I want to start becoming independent and autonomous, not only do we have language we can use to communicate those feelings to Mum to help her understand why her nagging upsets me, but I’m empowered to take actions that will make me fell better, perhaps by setting my own schedule for cleaning my room, or negotiating other freedoms I want.
Express
Our emotions in a time and context appropriate way. Rather than bad-mouthing Rachel behind her back for making fun of you at recess, it might be a better idea to tell her directly that what she said upset you, and you’d appreciate her not doing it again.
Regulate
Regulating our emotions means using strategies to take control of our emotions when we need to. If I notice I’m getting angry, a few deep breaths will help that anger dissipate. While I might be bored out of my mind while re-watching the substitute teacher’s video, doodling in my workbook is a better way to alleviate that boredom than walking out of class or passing a note to a friend.
Why and how should teachers support emotional intelligence for students?
Research shows us that emotional intelligence (EQ) is a better determinant of the personal, professional and financial success of young people than ‘traditional intelligence’ (IQ). The good news is that unlike IQ, Emotional Intelligence is a skill students can improve with practice and effective teaching.
Developing students’ EQ will;
Make them happier and more resilient
Improve the quantity and depth of their friendships
Reduce the frequency and severity of peer conflicts
Improve school results
Empower them to express their needs and communicate effectively
Teachers are in a great position to empower your students to develop greater emotional literacy and intelligence. You can do so by;
Modelling good EQ by owning your own mistakes and emotions. It’s ok to tell students that you’re stressed, or tired, or upset, that you know the reasons why, and that you’ve put in place strategies to mitigate the impact of those emotions.
Helping students label their emotions without criticising them for having them. For example by saying “It seems to me you’re feeling upset/bored/frustrated, is that right?”
Get curious, not furious when these emotions come up. After labelling them, follow up with “can you help me understand what it is that’s making you feel upset/bored/frustrated?”
Framing strong emotions as a challenge you and the student are working against, rather than identifying the emotion with the student. “How do you think we might be able to resolve that frustration/understand this better/make this more interesting?”
Don’t be afraid to share your own experiences and speak from the heart, authentically. We connect and learn through stories, and emotional intelligence is a skillset we all get better at with time. We learn best from those we like, and by taking off the ‘teacher’ mask, to empathise with students and share some of the things you’ve personally learned since school will go a long way to helping students see you as a person, not just an authority figure. They’ll recognise their actions impact you too, and will be much more receptive to some life lessons that go beyond the curriculum dot points.
Importantly, remember students are on a developmental journey that doesn’t stop until their mid-twenties, and we can’t expect them to be as emotionally intelligent as adults are just yet. They need time and space to make mistakes and learn from them, and to know that when they do falter, we’re there to support them, not to criticise them for doing so.